I just got the word on how this race ended, with something that didn't surprise me, after Maureen Dowd had written that the party would prefer losing with Barack than winning with Hillary. Everyone knows by now that I'm a Hillary supporter who always felt great about my candidate. I see her as girl wonk, smartest girl in the class, hardest working and nicest, the one that cares about women and kids and sick people and those that are the 'least' among us, and don't get listened to. I was proud of her campaign that hit the high roads and avoided being small.
But Barack has won, and now it seems the party may just want his money base and don't care so much if we lose with him. Maureen often has the inside track, she heard that gossip before I did.
So, I'd like to help Barack prove them wrong. I'd like Barack to show that he can win and be a decent president, and I'm here to help him. How? Of course the easiest way is to select Hillary as his VP, listen to her and put her to work. but maybe his money men can't bear anyone named Clinton, much less a girl Clinton, getting in their way when it comes to reshaping Washington in terms of power and influence (no one thinks they do anything for free). So if they prevent you from getting the most qualified and bestest and nicest and most knowledgeable vice president, cause, you know you do owe them a lot, do the next best thing, steal her.
First off: stop being sooo depressing. HIllary made running for president look jolly and a kick in the pants. She rarely looked tired and she was always upbeat and optimistic about this goofy and diverse nation of ours. She recognized that the Bush years were bummers, and that we want a president who's cheerful and makes it look easy, even when we know it isn't. So, cheer up. You won, be happy and show it. Tell us how wowed you are and excited and totally grateful and pleased to get the nomination. Learn to give the warm look. You look nicer when you're speeching than up close, you need to look people in the eyes and smile with your mouth as well as with your eyes. Touch them warmly, listen as if you're really listening, if you can't do it naturally, remember what your first new born daughter looked like and practice. Looking off in space makes you look remote and removed. Don't do that ever again, look ahead. Start smiling. Learn to laugh. Irony is dead, it's depressing, silly is more cheery.
Grab her ideas, we'll love it if you take all her ideas and credit her, and say they're great ideas and ask us which ones we like best and which ones we want soonest.
Grab her staff-in-waiting, she's prepared for years for this job, with the biggest group of professionals and experts ever lined up, to clean the biggest mess a sitting president was able to make, the bush mess. And steal her promise, promise to reverse bush and clean up his mess. And tell us to hold you accountable.
Grab her plans. She knows every agency, who's in charge, who's a hack and who isn't, who knows how to motivate workers and who puts them off and makes them cranky and unproductive. She's got a bunch of retired professionals willing to come out of retirement to be caretaker heads of agencies. Ask her for her plans, she's actually nice, she'd give you her plans. Remember, she hasn't asked to be VP, she made no 'deals,' she got told that her support wasn't going to stick with her, so she decided to suspend, whatever the media who loves to blame her for anything and everything may have told you.
Start getting ready for day one. I know you've been told that you don't actually need to win, they just want you running, but surprise them, make yourself as qualified as a guy can learn himself up to be. Get up to speed. Start learning history. It was very silly of you to woo the Jewish voters by promising to keep Jerusalem undivided, you gave everyone the wrong idea with that gaffe, you need real foreign policy advisors, and I'd suggest you grab Hillary and her foreign policy advisors.
Start crediting your staff. Start putting out multiple daily issue papers, like Hillary did, showing us just how you think the president should react to this or that, in real time. She showed her experience, didn't just say it. We could all judge for ourselves, you should do that too.
Don't run negative on John McCain, he's a bubble boy, and a war hero and he has the sympathy vote. You don't need to beat on an old tortured guy for being a bubble boy, you just need to make yourself as different from a bubble boy as possible. You need to get expansive, like Hillary, get real thinkers on board, you won, you can ask anyone you like for advice. Go for it, it should be fun. And it should look fun, start having fun.
Get Caroline Kennedy off your VP search team. she's not qualified, she's just a nice person and the daughter of a late president. get qualified people on that committee, no hacks.
As a matter of fact, pay back no favors with jobs. let them sleep in the Lincoln bedroom after you win, don't give them jobs. Hire only real professionals and real experts, and if they don't perform, fire their butts and get in people that can get the job done.
These are just a few ideas, but enough to get you started. We know you had a lot of inside help to get this nomination, but you have it now, you're the only game in town, and even if they don't care if you win, everyone who wants the war to end cares. You won, do your best to win the GE. We have kids over there who should be home, bring home our troops.
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